Finding Errors in a Comprehension Homework

The language used in the text tries to shock the young children into becoming vegetarians by telling them how cruel they are treated by the offspring taken away so early. There were also the use of unpleasant words such as 'killed and cruel'. I was asked to find out what was wrong with this answer that was given by another student in a 'factory farming vegetarian leaflet' but I don't understand what the teacher meant.

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... of the reader is diminished.

HERE IS YOUR TEXT (I have placed [square brackets] around the spelling errors I fixed):
The language used in the text tries to shock the young children into becoming [vegetarians] by telling them how [cruelly] treated they are by the off spring taken away [too] early also the use of [unpleasant] words such as 'killed and cruel'

Below, is the same text; however, I have pointed out the SUBJECTS of the text by UNDERLINING them ONCE, and I have pointed out the VERBS in the sentence by UNDERLINING them TWICE. Additionally, I have pointed out PREPOSITIONAL PHRASES and INFINITIVES by STRIKING them OUT. ...